If you’re a man in 2020, you’ve often wondered why the onus of asking the girl out or making the first move is always on men. In a relationship survey conducted, about 90% of men said that they make the first move every time. And, if women were expected to make the first move, dating would be a lot different.
We know for a fact that men would love to take the backseat for once in their life while the girl he liked asked him out and made the first move. But that still seems like a long way to go down the road of breaking gender norms. That brings us to the question: Why are men expected to make the first move?
Why are women attracted to men who make the first move?
In hindsight, women are more attracted to men who have the courage and the risk-taking ability to go after what they want, even if it means making the first move. When a man takes the responsibility of making the first move by walking up and starting a conversation with a woman, it is like a signal to her that he is a confident, masculine man who will naturally make her feel girly and feminine around him. And, no matter who denies it, women like to feel smitten once in a while.
In the world that we live, women and society at large are programmed to respond to men who have confidence and conviction. But, this doesn’t tie-up with the political beliefs of the world and what the society is collectively striving for: equal rights.
So why do guys have to make the first move? Women should make the first move if they want to. Making the first move is a huge responsibility and ultimately, it decides the future of the relationship. Thus, no gender should be “compelled” to make the move. The one that feels more comfortable and confident should naturally do it.
We wish it worked like that. But, unfortunately, it doesn’t. Men are still socially expected to take charge. Let us look at some of the reasons that support this conventional arrangement and explain why are men expected to make the first move.
1. Long-held belief
This one is quite obvious. Ask yourself why men are expected to make the first move and you’ll know the answers. The belief that it is a man’s job to make the first move has been going around for centuries or since the inception of dating. This is one of the effects of reverse sexism and patriarchy. It is also known that, when men make the first move, it makes women feel wanted. It reinforces their beliefs and fantasies of men going down on their knees and proposing. Simply put, it is flattering.
2. Fear of Judgement
Society isn’t kind to women at all. Every move a woman makes is judged. Women live with the fear of being judged even if it’s something simple like asking a man out on a date. Women who usually make the first move are perceived as “initiators”. And, initiators if women, can come off as desperate and needy. Society will see them as unladylike and thirsty. This is the harsh truth of the society we live in. This reason explains why do guys have to make the first move. The fear of judgement on women puts the onus on men.
3. Women like to send signals
Making the first move is a known active action and response. But, women are known to be passive. They like to send signals and go the soft way. Psychologists say that the way women indulge their partners is through “proceptive behaviour”.
These are indirect and ambiguous responses that include non-verbal signals like body language that indicate interest and receptivity. Women feel more comfortable indulging in this kind of behaviour and communicating through body language and eye contact. This is why men are expected to make the first move and women prefer it that way.
4. Evolutionary aspect
Right off the bat, this may seem stupid but it is not. History and evolution play an important role in how men and women behave in today’s day and age. One of the many ways of looking at a modern woman’s reluctance to make the first move is to consider this evolutionary angle. At the beginning of society and the inception of dating, it was unsafe for women to venture out from the confines of domesticity, considering the threats of abduction posed by others.
Therefore, women gradually began to have a lesser say in the freedom of their movement, actions, roles and responsibilities. Eventually, this affected their sexual and romantic decision-making.
5. Wanting the easy way out
This has not much to do with men and women. Everyone wants to have it easy. And, since men have been asking out women and making the first move for so long, no one wants to change this arrangement. Making the first move also implies that the initiator has to plan the date. Thus, anyone can find all this too troublesome and eventually, not worth it. This is why men are expected to make the first move.
6. Women like to have the upper hand
You might think that making the first move translates to having the upper hand. However, in reality, it is exactly the opposite. Asking a girl out leaves you in a vulnerable position. Ultimately, it is up to the woman to say yes or no. This power of choice that women hold is very valuable and may eventually contribute to the relationship. Women see this as the first step to asserting their will.
In the end, it doesn’t’ matter who makes the first move. It is the second date that counts to the success of a relationship. Therefore, if you feel comfortable and confident in making the first move, definitely go for it. Women like men who take charge.
And, remember to always stay confident. It is the confidence that determines everything, from you mustering up the courage to ask her out, to her saying yes and to ultimately, the possibility of future dates. There is nothing sexier than the confidence of a young man unafraid to make the first move!