Your partner and you are supposed to share a close emotional connection and a host of similar interests. But, if you have different sex drives or your sex drives have fallen out of sync, it can not only cause problems in the bedroom but also the relationship.
Don’t be surprised. One of the most frequent problems couples face in a relationship is different sex drives or a mismatched libido. Having different sex drives in a relationship is considered to be a normal imbalance, but if your partner and you can’t find a middle ground, there can be a concern.
According to Sunny Rodgers, a certified sex educator, having different sex drives in relationships is known as sexual desire discrepancy and it is more common than you think. But, if left unaddressed, it can lead to bigger problems and can also be a source of guilt, resentment, and rejection. In other words, it can be an indicator that your partner and you are falling apart.
In today’s article, we have discussed how to deal with different sex drives in a relationship.
Are you and your partner sexually incompatible?
As we said, in most cases, you are headed for trouble when your and your partner’s sex drive doesn’t match up, or the both of you don’t find a common middle ground. That doesn’t mean you need your different sex drives to make or break your relationship.
It is a common stereotype that it is always the male partner who has a higher libido and wants sex more often. In fact, according to research, it is often the women who crave more sexual play.
And as frustrating as it may seem, different sex drives don’t mean you need to end the relationship. If there is a significant difference between your sex drives, the situation must be addressed and dealt with. At least, that is the mature way to resolve issues like this.
Different sex drives or libidos generally ebb and flow in relationships, and there are multiple ways in which you can find the balance. Finding a balance or common ground in different sex drives that both the partners are satisfied and that there is enough understanding between the two of you.
Especially if you care enough about the connection and want to make it last, here is how to deal with different sex drives in a relationship.
How to deal with different sex drives in a relationship?
Here are 5 tips that will help you find a balance between different sex drives
- Obviate a medical concern
If both of you had a more or less evenly matched sex drive before, but suddenly it seems as one of you fell out of the rhythm, it can indicate a medical issue. Most times, it is the case of a health issue or side-effects of a prescribed drug or medication.
Stress and medications can often affect libidos. In fact, in men, excessive stress and certain medications can result in erectile dysfunction and interfere with hormone levels. This can cause the male partner to avoid sex. In women, hormonal birth control pills can decrease libido. Menopause or pregnancy can alter different sex drives too. Besides, if either partner is on antidepressants, libido can be affected.
Therefore, if you suspect a medical issue, it is wise to consult a physician and rule out any concerns.
- Expand your understanding of sex
If you want to find a balance between different sex drives in a relationship, you have to broaden your definition of sex and look beyond what it traditionally stands for. Sex doesn’t solely mean intercourse that will lead to an orgasm. There are a wide number of activities that can be performed in the bedroom that can arouse desire and also be satisfying.
Try mutually watching porn if you are okay with it, deep kissing, sensation play, invite other people to join in, explore fetishes, mutual masturbation, etc. Or just trying to be open about a fantasy you’ve always wanted to explore.
- Maybe it is a relationship issue and not a bedroom one
Different sex drives in a relationship and mismatched libidos could also mean that there is a bigger issue in the relationship itself. According to research, couples who show sexual desire discrepancy are often unhappy in the relationship or with each other.
Your partner or you are likely avoiding having sex because you are dissatisfied in the relationship. In most cases, a non-sexual problem manifests itself in the bedroom, thus resulting in sexual desire discrepancy.
Therefore, it may be time to take a step back and take a look at your relationship outside of the bedroom. If you spot a problem, sit down and talk about it.
- Schedule sex sessions
This may not sound as sexy, but trust us, it works. There are several advantages to planning a sex session especially if you take turns in scheduling it. Following a sex, calendar gives both the partners enough time to prepare, and it can also help the partner with the lower sex drive to ease into the mindset.
Besides, it can also help the partner with the comparatively higher ex drive to manage their desires and prepare for rejection.
- Know when it’s time to give up
If your partner and you are in it for the long run and committed to your mutual future, different sex drives shouldn’t be a problem. You will always find ways to create a balance and have a mutually satisfying sexual partnership. Even if that means, resolving conflicts outside the bedroom.
However, if it seems like there is no end to a conflict in the relationship which is affecting your sex life, it’s best to let go. No matter how hard you try, you will always have a sexual desire mismatch and eventually, it will break. Therefore, you should know when to part ways. And, if you have trouble doing so, a relationship counselor can help you navigate this.
These were our 5 essential tips on how to deal with different sex drives in a relationship. And, in some cases, it is not different sex drives, but just a temporary phase of sexual drought. In that case, it is best to be patient and wait it out together.