Have you ever had a moment in your childhood where people dangled your favorite chocolates in front of you, when you attempted to grab them, they snatched them away? Yeah, multiple the pain with a gazillion and maybe you’ll get a step closer to understanding the pain of miscarriage. One moment you’re feeling extremely proud and excited to become a father and the next, there is nothing. Nothing except a reverberating void screaming pain and nothingness back at you. 

Under such circumstances, it becomes extremely difficult to handle miscarriage and be there for your partner who’s probably experiencing unimaginable pain and emptiness than you do. You might wonder why miscarriages happen in the first place. Well, they can happen for a variety of reasons and they can happen just like that. But once they happen, no one, not even God (if you believe in him) can undo it. More often than not, doctors say that miscarriages are one way of the body’s removal of things that aren’t meant to be. Well, that ain’t a soothing explanation. 

But no matter the reason, the incident is extremely heart-wrenching, for both partners. Both of them are silent sufferers looking for support and courage from each other. In such cases, you might wonder, how do I handle miscarriage and help my partner who’s going through inconsolable pain? 

If you’re passing through a similar situation and your thoughts resonate with this, then you should certainly read the rest of the article. It will help you to handle miscarriage and come out of the pain and revive your life and relationship.

How to handle miscarriage?

Before we begin enlisting some effective ways for men to handle miscarriage, here’s something you need to know. Technically, miscarriages happen when you lose a fetus that has been in the mother’s womb for 20 weeks. If a woman loses the fetus which was in her womb for about six weeks, it is termed as ‘early pregnancy loss. With that said, the below-mentioned are some pointers on how a man can handle a miscarriage.

1. Allow yourself to grieve

Miscarriage is an extremely painful, heart-wrenching, emotionally exhausting incident for both the partners in the relationship. There’s no denying that. Therefore, give yourself and your partner enough time to grieve. Embrace the pain together and support each other. 

As mentioned previously, miscarriages happen for a variety of reasons. It does not necessarily mean that the mother was at fault. Therefore, the last thing that your partner needs is you directly or indirectly pointing a finger at her blaming her for the collective loss. 

The pain can seem to be too hard to deal with. But, it is what it is and the only way to get through this situation is allowing yourself, your partner, and your relationship, maybe to grieve and mourn for the transformational thing that was certainly going to change your life. 

You and your partner might have prepared a crib, read books, purchased all the baby things, painted a room, etc. To see the mountain of excitement crumbling down by just one incident, that cannot be even explained sometimes, is emotionally debilitating. So, grieve as much as you want. Don’t suppress it.

2. Paying homage is your choice

More often than not, many couples after suffering from miscarriages decide to pay homage to their unborn child through commemorating them. Now, commemorating your unborn child is your personal decision. You can do it by planting a tree or installing some plagues on the benches of your garden. If you want, you and your partner can collectively write a letter to your child and read them out loud. This can be your way of mourning together as a couple.

If you don’t want to commemorate your child, then also it’s okay. Whatever works the best for you, do that. Sometimes, grieving can include doing nothing and reflecting on your thoughts and emotions, because that helps in dealing with the situation in a better manner. 

3. Accepting that miscarriage is no one’s fault

When a couple suffers a miscarriage, they instantly feel bad for calling their loved ones and sharing the good news in the first place. They feel bad for being too excited and happy when they first announced themselves to be pregnant. If you find yourself feeling apologetic and pitiful towards yourself and your partner, don’t. 

It’s okay to have called your friends and family to share the good news in the first place. It’s okay to be overjoyed when you first heard that you were going to be a father. All these emotions are extremely normal. 

What’s not normal is to suppress your emotions and pretend how strong you are. That’s not strength, that’s toxicity. And that last thing you need after all that you and your partner have been through is toxicity. So, stop feeling sorry for yourself and give some time to mourn. There is no need to apologize to yourself, your partner, or the rest of the world for welcoming people to celebrate a new start in your life. 

4. Don’t rush

A majority of couples, to overcome the unbearable pain of miscarriage, tell themselves that, ‘Yeah, well, we’ll just have another kid.’ Yes, over time you will eventually try and have another kid. But just because you cannot deal with the pain of miscarriage, shouldn’t entail that you should hurry to have another child. 

Like your mind, your body is also exhausted. It needs time to repair. Grief can have a significant impact on your body. Therefore, you cannot overcome it by having another kid. It’s not that easy. 

In addition, if you think that having another child will replace the lost one, that’s not the truth. The child that will now come has to be treated separately as a separate being without any form of expectations. 

Handle miscarriage with a brave heart

These are some of the effective ways for you to handle a miscarriage. Always remember, no matter, whatever happens, life goes on and so should you. There will be a plethora of ebbs and flows in your life, but one should always learn to face it bravely and move on. Hope you found this helpful and if you’re dealing with the loss of your child, we are extremely sorry for you and hope for the best!

Related: Why Paternity Leave Is A Prerequisite For Co-Parenting?