If so many people on the internet are writing about loving two people at the same time, you can probably infer that there are lots of people who are looking up this question. This confusion is common and valid, especially when we are in the early stages of exploring what feelings of romance and love mean to us.
Let’s begin with the basics. What is love?
Love is when you care about a person. You care how someone is, where they are and if they are feeling low, how can you make them feel better, etc.
Contrary to the first thoughts that come to our heads when we think about love is, that love is of many kinds. It can be for a romantic partner, friends and family.
Can you love two people at the same time?
Well, we just described that there are different kinds of love, so this automatically means that yes, you can and often do love more than just one person.
Your family and friends are often more than one person, and none of them will ask you or socially expect you to love only one person as such. However, when it comes to loving a romantic partner, you are expected to love only one. But there are always exceptions and the fluid world reality, thus norms never accommodate the personalities of all individuals. There are bound to be people who will move out of the established norms, and others who will follow them too.
Love and Monogamy
The love we are talking about here is the romantic love where you call your partners the significant other or your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Monogamy is the only socially acceptable form of romantic and sexual relationship. Well, this is changing with changing times and we have heard about couples being in open relationships and people dating more than just one person. However legally and socially, marriage is sanctioned to be only monogamous in almost all parts of the world. The wedding ceremony is meant to celebrate this monogamy, the commitment to one person and choosing to love and care for this one person for all of one’s life.
But as just mentioned, things have evolved new types and have become more open and flexible when it comes to dating. This does not apply to all of course; an overwhelming majority still prefers monogamous romantic relationships.
Are you in love with two people?
Since you have chosen to read this article, there are high chances that you either are in love with two people simultaneously or have given this idea a thought at least. Typically we would assume and often told, that if we have such feelings for two people, it is likely that only one of them is love, and the other is either infatuation or we are so confusing a loving friendship for something more than it is.
We are no one to tell you what your feelings mean. They are for your personal therapists to decipher. We can just tell you some pointers you can use to decipher these feelings for yourself if you can’t or don’t want to afford a psychologist.
Also, remember that your feelings are valid. You are feeling some sort of way because there are situations around you that have made you feel that way. Don’t ever think that you are stupid for having certain emotions, and we aren’t just saying it in this article’s context, but in general as well.
Anyway, let’s get back to checking how you feel. Do you end up daydreaming and then confuse over whose face you see when you would be in a romantic setting? Or do you think about who would be better in bed? And who would you take with you if you were on a deserted island?
These are some of the most common questions we find on the internet when we want some article or video on the internet to help us evaluate whether we are in love romantically with someone or not. And if there is more than just one person, then you are probably thinking about loving more than one person simultaneously.
For someone who is already in a relationship, but often thinks about another person in a romantic and/or sexual way, then that too could indicate that you love two people at the same time.
Is this bad?
This is bad only if you are in a romantic relationship with a person who likes monogamy and would want an open relationship. And this is bad not because you cannot explore being with the other person, but bad because you can end up hurting someone who might truly love you.
What can you do about it?
If you are someone who is in a relationship, then you probably should have a talk with your partner before you try to do anything with the other person. Trust is essential in any relationship. If someone trusts you, it’s your responsibility to keep up with that. Cheating is not the way out. Why would you lie to someone who genuinely cares about you and loves you?
But if you are in a relationship but you don’t see a future or you are not invested enough in the relationship, it’s better to break things off first with the first person, and then move on with the second person.
If you feel very strongly about the two people and are sure that you love both, then think about how and what makes you love them. There is bound to be a difference in the reasons you fell in love with them. See for yourself, what is it that you value more and see as a stronger and more mature reason to be in love.
Now there can be two outcomes after you have done your evaluation. Either you choose one and leave the other. Or the other outcome is that there are strong and valid reasons two be with both of them. If you take this second outcome, make sure to have a conversation with both of them and there is no confusion or hurting someone’s feelings.
Remember, no choice or action is bad. It becomes bad only when you end up hurting another person.