Kudos to all the women who have gone through the dark alleys of domestic violence and have come out of it as strong and independent women through using the power of their voice! However, if you think that women are the only ones who have to suffer the abuse, then you’re wrong. Men too are victims of abuse. More often than not, the men abused by women are encumbered with the burden of society’s stereotypes that prevent them from speaking up. This worsens the situation and before you know it, it’s already too late. 

So, if a man you know is a victim of any form of abuse then this might be the best time and perhaps, maybe the only time for you to speak up. 

Do the men who are being abused know they are being abused?

Now, this is a very important question that might clear things up for you and your friend. Abuse against men can include the following things:

  • Incessant threats to leave from the house or to make you leave
  • Be physically and verbally violent with you or themselves
  • Cause damage to any piece of furniture as a way of showcasing aggression
  • Manipulate with lies and emotional blackmail
  • Accuse you of having extra-marital affairs every day, even when you don’t 

More often than not, male domestic abuse victims do not even know that they are being abused. These are some of the major telltale signs of domestic violence which need to be addressed immediately if you or your friend feels its presence in the household. 

Regardless of your relationship with the partner, if you are being abused, immediately ask for help from external support, be it your friend, your family or a support group. They will help you to deal with your partner and take the necessary steps. 

Male domestic abuse victims v/s The Society:

It’s impossible and even wrong to state that one gender experiences more difficulty and trauma than the other. Be that as it may, when it comes to the stereotypes that society attaches to a man and his masculinity, things become more complex for him and as a result, they are more embarrassed to state this problem than women. 

However, it is prudent to mention that various circumstances have different results and provoke different reactions from people. 

With that said, women who are culprits of domestic abuse, often end up threatening their male partners in some or another way. For instance, the most common way is to leave the house with their children and never step in again. 

Under such circumstances, men are often compelled to yield to the demands of their female partners and subjugate their own opinions. 

How do the men who are being abused get help?

Asking for help is probably one of the only things that you can do to get yourself out of this situation. If you suffer in silence, you’ll always suffer in silence and one day will come when you just won’t be able to take it anymore. 

As soon as you realise that you’re being abused, speak up with your partner first. Tell her how you feel and maybe things might stop from that point. If they don’t and worsen in actuality, then reach out for help. Call your friends, your family or support group; whoever feels more comfortable with you. 

Do not hesitate about sharing what you’re going through. Experiencing trauma will not make you less of a man. Remember, your sex is determined at your birth, but your gender is what you decide for yourself. Normally, society differentiates man and woman as two different genders, but you can decide for yourself as to what you want to be. So, owning up to your sufferings and sharing them without any hesitation or prejudice will not make you any less a human than others. 

It only means that a human does not deserve this behaviour from another human and it will not be tolerated at any cost. If you’re a victim of domestic abuse then don’t forget to reach out to this helpline number: 8882-498-498. This helpline number is generated by Save Indian Family (SIF) One, which is a movement, group or non-funded, non-profit, non-government organisation (NGO).

What are the other steps to deal with domestic violence?

Apart from reaching out to various groups of people, here are some pointers that you can keep in mind to deal with a similar situation next time.

  • Collect proofs: Collecting and documenting proofs is one of the most important ways to deal with domestic violence. Take photographs, record a video if possible and if things get out of control, then contact the authorities without any hesitation. It’s very necessary to collect proof and support your claims.
  • Refrain yourself from reacting: In any case, do not react. Your partner is doing what she is doing to get a reaction from you. So, refrain from any sort of retaliation. Try to maintain a distance from her and talk as formally as you can do. It’s best to be prudent in such situations and not let your emotions get the best of you.
  • Prioritize yourself: Dealing with domestic violence is an exhaustive process indeed. Get counselling and talk with people. Seek support from your family, friends and certain support groups. Do not forget to prioritise yourself. Your mental, as well as physical health, are more important than anything else in the world. So, make sure you give enough attention to them and ensure mental peace and tranquillity.

These are some of the things that you need to keep in mind if you’re one of the men who are being abused at home. It is extremely difficult and intricate to be in such a situation with a partner whom you loved once in your past or maybe you still do. But, don’t let these emotions get the best of you, because they’re not doing you any good. And if it helps in overcoming them faster, then you should know that your partner may not have them now otherwise the scenario would have been different.

So, don’t get smouldered by the situation you or your friend is in right now! Seek help and prioritise yourself. 

Related keywords: Men Facing Domestic Violence: The Silent Suffers